Note To Self

A few mornings ago I woke up and the first thing that entered my mind was that I hadn't blogged in a long time. It's weird because it's something I consciously chose to let go but when I woke up I felt so much anxiety about it that I felt like I needed to get right up and post something. But then life got busy and my anxiety over not blogging was replaced by anxiety over something else and it was again at the bottom of my ever growing anxiety heap.

It seems kind of silly to be so worried about blogging but the truth is, I ALWAYS feel guilty when I don't keep up with telling our family story. I worry that my younger kids won't be able to read as much about their childhood as my older kids will because I was a little more consistent when they were younger. (I have no idea if that statement is even true, but I do worry about it.) I absolutely want to remember the details of our lives, the important stuff and even the day to day monotony because I know it is fleeting and precious. My kids ask the funniest questions and say the darndest things and I just want to freaking remember it all, even though I know it's impossible.

Blogging certainly isn't the only way to document and/or remember but it sure has been handy. Just the other day Tony and I were trying to plan for our annual Vran Bowl and we couldn't remember what number of years we'd been doing our little family party. Was it 4 years? Six? It happened to be five and the only way we could be certain was to look back on this terribly written blog to see. For some reason we didn't have it in 2017 and I'm thinking it was because Zoe and Brandon (and possibly Landon) had other Super Bowl Sunday plans so we just didn't do the Vran Bowl thinking it wasn't worth the trouble to go through for just the four of us. I'll never know for sure though because I didn't document it in any form. I know it isn't life altering to remember every single Vran Bowl or other family activity but there is a huge satisfaction being able to look back and remember so many great moments.

Like most people my greatest obstacle is time. I have lots and lots of time to do things but there is MUCH to do. The kids go to school and I've got to cram everything I can into those 6, almost 7 hours that I can. It's a lot of time and plenty of quiet hours but they are filled to the absolute max most days. There are endless things to take care of around the house and it seems like as soon as those things are accomplished, it begins again. Laundry, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, picking up toys, keeping up with the bills, dishes, meal planning etc.; it's a full time commitment and none of it is really ever "done". I mean, I may not do those things on a daily basis, but there is always one, two or even three that needs to be done and those are the ones that can be taken care of at home. Shopping is a whole other beast (clothes, food, household) and while some of it is enjoyable, much more of it is not. Exercising is another time suck, and yes, it's important, but another place my time evaporates, especially if I drive to the gym to do it.

So, why am I taking the time to write all of my reasons for not blogging? I guess its my form of forgiving myself. My way of reminding myself that I really am busy and that blogging takes the back burner because I need it to. A way to soothe my future self into remembering that the "living" life part is more important than the documentation. Being in the moment is the important part...and documentation is the extra.