Baking With Harps

For reasons I never figured out Harper was having a particularly rough day on Friday. He was fighting about every little thing with Dakota, called her a mean name and then kept talking back to me when I was reprimanding him for his poor behavior. I had to send him to his room more than once that morning and on one of his trips upstairs he yelled that I didn't really love him. I know that kids say that and sometimes even tell you that they don't love you, but Harper hasn't ever said either of those things and it stung. He didn't sound angry when he yelled it but was crying and sounded hurt which made it feel that much worse. It stopped me in my tracks and I didn't even know how to respond so I let him go upstairs to calm down while I thought about how we could make things right.

Although hearing him say that I didn't love him stung they also made me stop and think. I spend a lot of time with my kids and during the summer even more than usual but one on one time is pretty limited.  Try as I might, I can only focus attention on one thing for so long before being distracted or interrupted, including playing with my kids. But this day it seemed that maybe I'd have to really focus my attention on my boy so I let Dakota play with her friend for awhile while Harper and I baked his birthday cake. 

I was surprised at his enthusiasm when I asked him to come help me bake his cake. He went from a teary mess to happy and helpful within just a few minutes time. We talked a lot while we were working and he loved breaking the eggs, of course, and licking the beaters once he was done mixing his cake together. His mood improved drastically in the time it took for us to whip that cake together and he and I talked about how we'd decorate it for his party the next day. He settled on a Minecraft pig which meant we'd need to run to the store later that evening for a few supplies. I asked him if he'd want to help decorate it and he declined saying he'd rather it be a surprise. 

It was only about 20 minutes that we spent doing this but it made a huge difference in his attitude which carried over for the rest of the day. It didn't stop him from arguing with his sister completely but the intensity of his grumpiness was way down from before, so I count that as a win. I feel like I need to keep this in mind for these last few longs weeks before school because there are bound to be more rough waters ahead. Its hard having so many hours ahead with no real plan but I think it'd help if I could squeeze in a small amount of one on one time with each of the kids even if all it does is remind them that they're loved.