Realizations

Last night at dinner, Tony asked Zoe how the first day of her last high school semester went. It was at that moment that it struck me that she’s half way through her senior year. I nearly choked on my green beans! I realized that she was beginning a new semester, and had already been asking her what her schedule looked like, but it just hadn’t dawned on me that this was the last semester of high school for her. Ever.

While that was still sinking in, Landon said, well, aren’t you going to ask me how my first day of my last elementary school semester went? And, yep, you guessed it, I hadn’t thought about that either. I was really taken aback when it was put that way, that they were both halfway to achieving two major milestones.

I know I’ve said it before, but I’m kind of depressed about all of it. Landon told me not to worry about him getting older because I had Harper and the other baby to still go through all this with. But, it really doesn’t make it any better. I mean, I’m glad I’ll get to experience all of these new things with Harper and the new baby, but watching my other two babies move on is incredibly painful.

There is a part of me that is just so overwhelmed by the thought of Zoe going away to college that I just choose not to think about it. I just kind of have to deal with what happens as it happens…or I start to feel panicky about the whole thing. And, Landon going to middle school gives me the same unsettled feeling. I’m proud of them both for doing so well, and becoming such awesome people, but I just wish I could get back some of those days when they were much younger.

It’s ironic that as I write this I am suddenly feeling tiny baby movements for the first time, for sure. As if this baby is moving around reminding me that there is still much adventuring to do. Many things to be explored and tons of experiences to share; that no matter how old my kids are, they’re still mine and I’m still theirs... and we’ve still got an incredible journey ahead.