It’s Not Going to be Easy

For us, the first Sunday of the month means one thing and one thing only…the dreaded Costco trip. My mother-in-law and I decided it was just getting too hard to make the trip to Costco with Harper in tow, only because it’s too hard to get everything while chasing a little boy around the store. I feel like making him sit in the cart for 45+ minutes is just asking too much of a toddler, so we decided we’d only go once a month when Tony could either come along and help, or stay home with the kiddo’s.

Landon had his first outdoor soccer practice today at noon, so we really had to be quick through the store. We got everything we needed, squeezed in an early lunch and still had time to unpack the truck before Tony and Landon had to take off for soccer practice. Not bad! Landon had a fun practice and then had a friend come over to play for the afternoon. You’d think he had enough soccer after two hours of practice, but he and his friend Daniel went straight outside and played soccer for a good hour!

Zoe was actually home all day today too! She worked from 5-2am Saturday night so she didn’t even get out of bed until nearly noon…and then it was homework time. She worked on that (in her pj’s) all day long and it was nice having her around even if she was busy almost the whole time.

After Harper’s nap, Chris, Lori and Lea came over for a little bit. Harper and Lea just played with toys and ran around while we sat and talked, it was nice. They’re both too young to really play together, but that’ll change over time. Harper did show Lea his puzzle book though, and it was the perfect photo op:

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Harper has been sleeping really good at night (thank goodness!!) but for some reason he’s only been taking about 1 1/2 hour nap during the day. That is about half of what he normally does, and I’ll tell you, 1 1/2 hours goes by in a blink! He’s only done that for the past two days but I’ve barely had any time to get things done while he’s sleeping. (He’s been sleeping through the night solidly for about 3 weeks, the nap thing started 2 days ago…just to be clear.) The only thing that’s changed is that yesterday he was too full/too tired to have a bottle before nap and only wanted his binky to go to sleep. I’ve been thinking it’s time to start weaning him from his nap and bedtime bottles, but I’ve been reluctant to do so, mostly because I didn’t think it’d be easy and because I know I’ll miss rocking my baby to sleep while he has his bottle. At bedtime last night he did have his bottle, but then again this afternoon I figured I’d see what happened if I just put him to bed without his bottle and guess what? He went to sleep. No protesting, nothing. Just laid down and went to sleep like always.

So, tonight after giving him his bath, I thought I’d test the waters and see what he did if I didn’t offer him a nighttime bottle. I followed the same routine as always, but once we sat in the rocker, I just gave him his binky and told him I was going to sing him a song…and, after the first song, he spit out his binky and made the sign for milk. I explained to him that he was getting to be too big for milk and told him it was all gone, and gave him back his binky and he was quiet. I sang him another song or two and then put him in his crib…and he rolled over on his side and went to sleep. Just like that.

I damn near went right back in that room and gave him a bottle, because it breaks my heart to know we’re moving on from this stage. Holding a baby and feeding him/her is such a wonderful, beautiful experience and even though I know it’s time, I’m not ready. I came downstairs pissed off that he’d gone to bed so easily (stupid, huh?) and took out my anger on Tony, who of course had no idea what the hell was wrong with me. Then I got really sad and went downstairs to apologize to Tony and ended up crying about the whole thing. At this point I’m not even sure it’ll continue to be this easy or what will happen next, but I know I’ve crossed that imaginary line, and there is no going back. I’m going to have to put away those bottles and the formula and let that part of his babyhood go.

It's not going to be easy…

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