A Bag of Ice

Landon came home from work the other night with this bag of ice. It may not seem like much but it sure made me happy! He knows I love the ice they use at Chick-fil-A and he thought to bring it home for me which was a super sweet gesture. 

When kids are young they're always telling you that they love you, hugging them isn't embarrassing and they even write notes and/or draw pictures to show their love but as they get older, it just kind of stops. I love you's are harder to come by, hugging is occasional and the letters/pictures are long gone...but then, when you least expect it, a bag of ice turns up. 

Landon and I have certainly had our rough patches in life and I'd say a good majority of his junior year of high school was a rough patch for us. There were a lot of things going on in his life (and mine) that made things difficult and we butt heads like nobody's business. He is so like me in a hard headed, difficult way that it's hard to imagine we'd be anything other than enemies. 

 Surprisingly, despite our head butting, we can also get along quite well. We share the same humor  and we share funny video's and meme's almost daily. There are many nights he can be found sitting on the floor of my craft room while I'm working on something, chatting about life. It's awesome. Most of the time our talking is light-hearted but there are times when we talk about things that mean more. Things like his future, the possibilities of tomorrow or the trials of living day to day. 

Recently Landon mentioned joining the military when he graduated high school and I have to admit that it took a lot to remain composed. It isn't that I think the military would be bad for him or that I'm afraid (although I am) but it's more about him being far away from home. From me. It's about me missing out on his growth and life. It was hard when Zoe went to college but she wasn't really that far, and even now she only lives about 30 minutes away which means we still get to see her relatively often and aren't ever too far if she needs us. But the military could mean he's very far away from home for very long periods of time and that kills me. Of course, because I'm not the most selfish person in the world, I will support his decision, whatever it is. It won't be easy but since when was motherhood ever easy? He's got a little time to think but really, this school year will be over before we know it and decisions of one sort or another will have to be made. 

For now, I'm going to savor this little bag of ice. I'll savor the craft room chats, the occasional surprise hug, the silly meme's, inappropriate (sometimes really bad) music and the moments he spends goofing around with his siblings. I know these days are fleeting and precious and making the most of them is all I can do, one perfect ice nugget at a time. 

*After bringing up the military thing in the evening we only talked about it for a minute or two and that night I hardly slept. The very next morning, first thing, he brought it up again. He told me he'd looked up some info on basic training and such and asked if he'd be without his cellphone for the entire time he was in basic. I said I did believe he'd be without it. He had a look on his face, one of slight panic and said "So, I'd be cut off from everyone for like 2 months!?" to which I replied, yes. He asked what would happen if something bad happened like someone died, how would he know? I told him I figured we'd be able to get a message to him if something tragic happened but otherwise he'd be in his own little bubble for awhile. Now, while I'm not a huge fan of his going into the military, I do hope that being "cut off" for a few months wouldn't be the deciding factor for him not to join. I hope he'll think about this seriously and thoroughly and with his future in mind...