Testing…Testing…

Testing. I feel like my life is a giant test these days. Test of endurance, skill, PATIENCE, balance. Each day is a battle, a test of my commitment to motherhood it seems. Things just aren’t easy right now.

My house is in a constant state of disarray. I’m thankful my kids actually play with the toys they have, but damn!?! do they have to play with every single one of them every single day? With Harps being 3 and Koko being 1 I can’t really leave them to their own devices and then tell them to clean up at the end…it just doesn’t work like that. Nope, it’s more like, the mess is made and then I’m singing that stupid “clean up, clean up” song and trying to coax the two of them into helping pick up said mess. I usually end up doing the majority of the cleaning up while the two of them follow me around demanding snacks of some sort.

I swear I am feeding those two kids all day long. From the minute Dakota gets up in the morning till bedtime, all she does is eat. She’ll eat a slice of cheese, a gogurt, an applesauce, a cereal bar and a few bites of a bagel before she can even think straight in the morning. Harper isn’t quite as ravenous, but it’s like they tag team me all day with it. If one gets a snack, the other needs one too. If one gets a drink, well, you guessed it.

And the tantrums around here! Holy hell. The tantrums. It’s like the world is ending 48 times a day at least. Per kid. Full blown melt downs over shit that we’ll never know or understand. Back arching, floor writhing freak episodes that still make me cringe remembering them. I am fully prepared to watch one of those two little kids’ heads turn around in a complete circle.

And, while the two shrimps are busy being dramatic the older two think it’s okay to attack me at a different level. They may not throw themselves on the floor and spin in circles, but they sure do have their moments. Stomping, slamming doors, saying things that I’d better NOT hear under their breath. It’s a damn circus around here. Sometimes I just want to hide. And, I don’t mean in the bathroom because that never works…they always find me and they always want in.