Thursday, August 7, 2014

Sea World: A Tale of a Turd

Somehow I forgot to tell the funniest story of our day at Sea World.

At the end of the day, during the last show we’d see, it started to rain. We had planned to stick it out and stay for the two night shows but there were no signs of the rain letting up so we packed up and headed for the parking lot. If you’ve ever been to a theme park you know how big those lots are and how easy it is to get lost. Well, it was raining and we were lost. Tony was pushing the stroller with the two little kids in it pretty far ahead of the rest of us when he turned around and yelled to me something that I couldn’t quite hear.

A few minutes later, he turns around and yells again, and this time I hear him yell that Harper needs to poop. Well, we’re in the middle of a massive parking lot, lost, in pouring rain and I just didn’t have a solution to the poop issue.

Me and the big kids finally caught up to him and Harper was starting to cry and tell me that he really needed to go poop. I kept telling him to just hold it and we’d figure something out. Well, Harper has absolutely no capacity to hold in anything, be it pee, poop or whatever and he is wailing and going on and on about how he’s gotta go when I finally just said (and I’m not proud of it) “Well, you have a choice. You can wait or shit your pants.” Not five seconds later he stopped crying and said “Welp, I shit my pants!”

What did I have to say to that, you ask? I asked him if he was serious and he said that yes he was. Nothing else was said after that. I mean, what can you say? I’m the dummy who gave him options, after all!

So, we finally make it to the van and we unload the stroller and everyone but Tony, Harper and I stand in the parking lot to quickly figure out what to do. We do the only thing we can think of and we undress him right there in the pouring rain in the parking lot, bend him over and wipe his butt with 4 thousand baby wipes and paper towels that we thankfully had in the van, and then put a swim diaper on him and buckled him in his seat to go home.

As we were pulling his shorts and underwear off I started laughing because the turd in his pants started to roll out. All I could imagine was someone finding a big turd in their parking space the next day! I didn't want to leave it there in the lot, so I carefully maneuvered it around in his drawers while putting it into a plastic bag that I’d brought along for just in case…and no turd was left behind! I laughed and laughed about the whole thing for hours it seemed. Sometimes it’s all you can do.

All the while this is going on I notice a van sitting not too far away with it’s headlights pointing in our direction. I guess they were getting quite a show! They sat there the entire time we did all this and only pulled off once we’d all gotten in the van. I hope they weren’t video taping the whole thing or something! We all got a good laugh out of the whole thing and it’s sure to be a story we tell time and again!

Poor Harps!

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